The Average Update

I’ve been MIA for awhile. I got the opportunity to travel to New Orleans and it was amazing. The energy and feeling you get while walking down Bourbon St. is exhilarating. Don’t get me wrong, I love my small town life more but for a few days it was better. I also met a pretty great guy while there. Unfortunately, some people only come into your life for a short while. It’s a shame really, the perfect guy I’ve built in my mind over the last few years seemed to come to life. I almost forgot what it was like to put myself out there. Well, that was a few months ago. Don’t get too excited, nothing happened that wasn’t rated PG-13. But, now I’m home.

I’ve recently reconnected with some friends from my past. It’s eye opening to see how people change when you haven’t talked to them in years. One guy turned into a worse version of himself, drunk and horny. Tempting in a moment of weakness, ultimately would have been a massive mistake. Lesson from that night? Never drink tequila shots if you don’t have a buffer. The other turned into the best of himself. I don’t know if I’ve shared this or not, but I am a typical uniform chaser. There is something about it that turns me on. He is doing great things and is finally happy, complete opposite of the guy I used to be friends with. Apparently, living the salt life is better than small town life. Sad news was that he lives roughly 13 hours away, without traffic. It would almost be worth it.

I’m learning that I go after guys that can never commit. A married guy who can commit, just not to me. An old friend that lives too far away. Guys in uniform, in general, who are looking for a good time but not a long time. I’m not saying there aren’t some guys who are looking for a lifelong love, I’m just saying that I haven’t found one. But maybe I don’t want one. I mean, you can’t get hurt if you don’t put yourself out there. I’ll be out of the country for awhile soon, but I’m hoping I can have some fun.

What do you do when you are stopping yourself from living?


My Almost Threesome

Does anybody else get horny when they drink? One beer and my inner slut goes crazy. I am not a lightweight, I can hold my own, but one drink and it’s like I need sex. I know, I know, need is a strong word. No, I won’t actually die or be harmed if I don’t get it, but it feels like it at the time. By drink two, you may want to be prepared for me to climb on your lap. I found this out when I was with that one serious relationship, lets call him B. So, one-time B and I decided to get together with his friends and have some drinks. Of course, this was before it was all legal, shhh don’t tell my mother. Anyways, B had this space above his dad’s garage that we converted to a little makeshift apartment. It was not sweet, and it was not romantic, but back then? It was the best place we could manage. As the night was winding down, three of us went upstairs into this space to hang out without everyone else. I was past the point of horny and did not care who was watching, I just wanted him.

Somewhere between me climbing onto his lap and my dress coming off, his friend and him made it clear that whatever happened was fine. His friend, T, helped pull my dress off. I probably should regret this, but I did not think twice when I kissed T while sitting on my boyfriend’s lap. I really did not regret it when B kept things going. Who knew making out with somebody else could be so hot? Grinding on your boyfriend with your tongue down a friend’s throat… that was an amazing feeling. All I wanted in that moment was both of them, together. But, if things had gone according to my want’s the title wouldn’t include “almost”. Probably for the best, things got interrupted when people downstairs wanted to know what was happening upstairs. We never talked about what happened, but I always wondered what it would be like.

Years later I took matters into my own hands, literally. I bought my first dildo and my first vibrator. Best. Decision. Ever. Let me just tell you that whenever your finger stops doing the trick, a trusty dildo does the trick. If you’ve read my earlier post, you know that I love porn. One of my most watched categories is double penetration. The trust she must have for them to take it at a pace that she can handle. How worshipped she must feel to have two men please all of her needs. I know it’s not the same thing, but having my vibrator and my dildo both stretching me? That full feeling I get. It leads to the best self-made orgasms I’ve ever had. I mean it took weeks of slowly handling anal before I could do it, let alone enjoy it. Now I am just waiting to find someone willing to try the real thing. To have him fucking me with a dildo in my ass? Or vice versa? I would probably melt if it was two guys. To suck one while the other fucks me, I’m speechless and it hasn’t ever happened.

To take a step back, I just want to say thank you for those who actually read these. Feel free to message me if you’ve had similar experiences or to just comment on mine without it being public. This blog started because I want to share my story, even if it is an average one. I’m thinking of doing a new post but am struggling to decide what to write about. What do you think? Fantasy’s about my college professor, my experience of sexting with the hot stranger, or my first public squirting orgasm in a movie theater? Comment or message me your votes.

The Average Fantasy

Like every All-American Girl, I love porn. Maybe not as much as adolescent boys but that is hard to compete with. Earlier than I’d like to admit, I found my love of a Dominant man. There was something about his power that called to me. Watching him completely own the girl was eye opening. Pulling her skirt down her legs slowly, showing the camera her perfect ass. My favorite part is how he treats her like a princess, even when he pushes her to her knees in front of him. The way he caresses her cheek just before commanding she strip completely while he remains fully dressed. When she begs to suck his cock because she wants to please him, it was then that I became completely jealous of her. I want to be the one completely nude kneeling in front of him. To have his hand in my hair pulling me to his cock. I want him to restrain my hands behind my body, so he has full control over me. I want to feel his cock pulsate in my mouth when I slide it down my throat, swallowing to push past my gag reflex. To be able to see his dress pants getting soaked about his zipper because he couldn’t be bothered to pull his pants down any further. Does that turn anybody else on? When he remains fully dressed while you are stripped bare. It makes meeting well dressed guys a lot more interesting.

Walking into an office and there are three very handsome men in suits. Being the shy and average girl that I am, I quickly averted my eyes to the interesting floor. Nothing happened. But I wish they would have said something, anything. Sitting in the waiting area, all I could think about was one of them walking over. Perfect strangers. To have him look me in the eyes and turn me around to face the other two. Bending me over the chair I was sitting in and yanking up my skirt. To have him fuck me while the other two watched. Not a care in the world about the other people waiting in the same area. They could watch or they could leave, I wouldn’t care either way. Hell, I’d be perfectly happy to have a gangbang in the office. I just needed them. By the time I was called back for the meeting, I was soaked. All they had to do was slip a hand under my skirt and I would have came apart in a matter of seconds.

I guess that’s the downside to fantasies, they aren’t real. Three strangers aren’t going to randomly fuck me in an office. They won’t see me look away and think, “She is someone I need to meet”. They will however move on with their day while I sit there and think of the thousands of ways I want them to make me come. One in my mouth, one eating me out, and one with his cock in my hand. They will move on with their lives and never think twice, but me? I go home and write to you people who barely read these. But if you do, I appreciate you all.

Online Dating and the Average Girl

If you read my first post, then you know I am lacking in experience. Unless book boyfriends count and then I am an expert. Do they count? Most likely not or I would be a serial widower. After almost four years of college I have never been on one single date with anybody. Yes, I have had sex, but only with people I knew before school. So, a friend suggested Bumble. For those who don’t know, this site is special because the girl must make the first move. Let me just say that it is terrifying for me. I am not hard on the eyes, but I am not drop dead gorgeous either. I was thrilled when I got my first few matches with guys that I thought were cute and had good profiles. Then, the rejection came. One after another of no returned messages. I know they say not to take these things to heart, but I do. So, I did what every desperate girl would do. I googled it. Do you know what came up? A list of “perfect” openers for Bumble. Having a science background, I am all about testing a hypothesis. Let me just say that they are most definitely not perfect. It’s either that or my profile is not enough to get them to return my message. I wasn’t being boring before. I know that for the guy always seeing “Hey” or “What’s up” would get boring. So maybe a few of the openers were stupid. But that’s what the list said. So, I did the smart thing and regrouped. Maybe I am just not as interesting as I thought. I am biased about my personality. I know I am shy and introverted, but I also think I can be fun.

I’ve talked with one guy who replied to my message more than once and didn’t immediately say “wanna fuck”. Seriously, is this what dating is like? If so, I’m not sure I want to. What happened to the movies where the guy was wholesome and asked you out on a date? Does that even happen anymore? Please tell me it does even if you have to lie. I need some hope in my life. But anyway, there is this guy. He seems nice, almost too nice and I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well it kind of already did but I don’t know if this should be a deal breaker. When he talked about what he likes during sex, he used the words “very vanilla”. Is it just me that thinks “fuck that” when hearing that? I like spanking, hair pulling, feeling a hand over my neck when he’s pounding into you from behind. Sew me. I love it. To hear that his favorite position is missionary is kind of a turn off. Do I even try to date him? Is it worth it? I tried bringing up spanking… let’s say it didn’t go over well. Any advice for me? Do I gain experience dating before I hope for Mr. Isn’t-Afraid-to-Spank? Do I kindly decline and keep searching? These are the questions that I need answered! See I told you guys, I am not interesting. My life is average with problems everyone has, right? Everybody wonders if their date will match with them in the bedroom.

Days later and that nice guy turned out to be not so nice. I felt less bad about rejecting him. There were too many red flags before a first date could even happen. I am still actively seeking for that one person who is comfortable around me. The one that cuddles me on the couch while watching a movie. The one who knows that my ass is most definitely not accidentally grinding on him. Somebody who knows that I want him to kiss my ear while he whispers to me. Who is not afraid to make me bend over his knee while he punishes me. Who knows that I want that more than anything else. I want to disobey purposely just to get punished. Why is this so hard to find?

My Story

I guess I should start off by telling you all why you should read this. Well you shouldn’t. I am just another 21 year old average girl from small town USA. I’m introverted to a fault, no seriously it pains me to go outside my bubble. My past includes mediocre boyfriends and only one long-term relationship. I really do not know how to pick them, I need help. Does anybody know the key to relationships? I don’t. Maybe one of you should be writing this instead. Well if you’re still reading, you’re an idiot but I appreciate it. So, one serious relationship. It lasted 3 years and ended my Sophomore year of college. I know, I know. Never go into college with a boyfriend because they never last. Well I was young and in love. I haven’t seen him since, but we have talked through Facebook. You may be wondering what the hell this blog is even about. Me too. I am just winging it. I do promise there is a reason to this, I just haven’t found it yet. Like I said I’m just another average looking girl of average intelligence. Even my life is average. But like every small-town girl there comes a dream. Mine used to just be simple. Get a degree and stay the hell away from my hometown. Of course, the latter part will never happen, I do still visit my family. Even the fucked-up ones. My childhood was normal until my parents divorced after my high school graduation. Even that is normal these days. In college I met a guy. I know what you’re thinking but it’s not like that. He was kind of cute, but odd at the same time. He seemed sweet, so I eventually gave in and went on a date. If you can count going to the campus diner as a date. I need to repeat this because it is important. He seemed sweet and normal… then he asked me to blindfold him and spank him. And that my lovely readers was my first step towards whatever this is.

I am an avid reader of dark romances and kink related erotica. There is a slight chance I am addicted to reading. This is my only experience with the world of BDSM. It is truly sad, but how do you even start to truly experience it? How do you know people are actually “In this world” and someone who just says they are? There is a shocking number of assholes out there who are just Mr. Grey wannabes. So how do you know a blog or book or person is “for real”? I’d love to answer but I honestly have not figured it out. Trust me I want to. I would love for somebody to show me the way. Unfortunately, that has not happened. My fantasies used to revolve around what would happen on my next date, with that one serious boyfriend. Since the number of guys I’ve had sex with can be counted with one hand with some fingers to spare, I would say that I definitely do not have much experience. Especially because I have still only had sex with one person that was more than a handful of times. My boyfriend at the time made me think I was messed up in the head. Which maybe I am? I guess that is up for debate. I had seen porn where this happened so why was it so wrong for us? All I wanted was for him to tie me up and spank me. Not during sex like we had been doing, if you count light taps as spanking. I swear he looked at me like I had two heads that day. My sex life was very plain. Some light spanking when he really wanted me to get me off. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not all about me. But I took care of him every time, multiple times if you catch my drift. Side fact, his thing was public sex and almost getting caught. I have had sex in some weird places and I have no regrets. But why was it okay to fuck in an abandoned tunnel but being tied up and spanked was weird. Public sex was about the “kinkiest” thing I had ever done. My next partner was lacking in the downstairs region and not for lack of trying but just could not finish the job. We never made it past that one awkward time. But we are still friends and only friends. Later came my third partner, a married friend of my family. Before you call me a home wrecker or a slut, just know that they had been separated for years and at the time thought the divorce was in the works. We only had sex a few times, but those times were mind blowing. Better yet? I learned I loved the feeling of a hand cutting of my air supply during sex. I also found out that your ass can bruise from spanking. It felt amazing. Sadly, things did not work out. Well it was sad for my sex life but good for the soul. So here I am, reading books and blogs and waiting.

I am that shy girl in your class that looks but never speaks. I am that quite girl at the coffee shop that always has her eyes to the floor. I am that girl at the bus stop that smiles quickly and then cringes when you walk past without noticing. I am waiting for that one person to realize that while I may not be saying it. I really just want you to make the first move. To greet me. To give me a reason not to look down. To care for me and break me out of this shell that is my prison. To teach me just how good sex can be when done right. My biggest want is to have someone I can trust to find out what I like. Based on what turns me on in books, there is a lot I like and little I don’t. But it’s different to read about it compared to experiencing it. But for me, books are more realistic. If I want to read about a sadist and masochist then I open a book, if I want to read about a submissive being ordered to undress and bend over the dinner table for a punishment then I can. Books don’t judge you on what you want to “experience” even if not all of the facts are right. So what if the girl character gets on her knees for a roomful of guys to be pissed on. So what if she gets belted for cursing towards her Master. So what if she feels more comfortable sitting on his lap completely naked with guests than being covered up and pretending to be something she isn’t. So what is she likes to feel the sharpness of his blade drag against her skin so she can have his mark. The book itself doesn’t judge, I mean obviously it can’t. Society deems it taboo or kinky or wrong or whatever you want to call it. Maybe you even think it’s that. Hell, maybe I should too. But why are we letting societal norms dictate what turns us on? The thing I hear most from people I have talked to is “God judges us” or “My parents would disown me”. Well I was raised in a religious household with judgmental parents, that doesn’t stop me from daydreaming about a bunch of strangers gangbanging me in front of my classroom. You want what you want. Does that mean that I would go through with a gangbang? Who the hell knows. I highly doubt the opportunity would present itself. So tell me some of your fantasies that society deems wrong or comment on some of mine. All I ask is that you don’t judge me or others. If you do, keep it to yourself or don’t read these. Nobody is forcing you to.